A good feedback system is an absolutely critical aspect of a functioning organization. At a macro level, when companies don't do feedback well, pockets of disagreements within organizations grow, causing resentment, distrust, and ultimately organizational failure. At a micro level, feedback is the only way to achieve true personal growth. You are not objective enough about yourself to grow effectively without external feedback.

If feedback is so critical to a company's success, why do so many companies fail at it? In our experience, they fall short in three main areas: training to give feedback, training to receive feedback, and making it part of the culture. Ultimately, giving and receiving feedback is just hard; it often triggers painful emotions. The alternative, though, is failure. There's no such thing as a workplace without feedback. If you're not hearing "bad news," people are too afraid to give feedback to you and each other.

Giving feedback

Giving and receiving effective feedback is a skill like any other, and it needs to be part of your onboarding training if your team is going to be any good at it.

Fortunately, there are some excellent resources like Nonviolent Communication and Conscious Leadership that provide a good structure to do it.

Key principles for giving feedback:

• Feedback should be given in private and regularly (i.e., weekly) at a time when someone is expecting it.

• Be honest and vulnerable. Care personally, and challenge directly.

  • Beware of ruinous empathy

• Feedback should come from a place of love and good intentions.

• Feedback should be specific and avoid sweeping statements, judgements, or labeling (e.g., avoid saying "I think you're lazy").

• Feedback should be in a nonviolent communication format (provided below).

The key to giving feedback is to prevent activating people's "lizard brain" and provoking a feeling of anger or fear. Base emotions, like fear and anger, are powerful; once invoked they cloud higher-level thought.

The good news is there's a simple way of communicating feedback that avoids provoking anger and defensiveness. First, ask "is now a good time for you for some feedback?", assuming yes proceed with:

"When you do [specific action], I feel [emotion] because the story in my head is [fear]."

Ensure that specific action is a fact, something that a camera would record. Emotion should be a core emotion, like anger, sadness, or fear. Don't avoid being vulnerable when describing your fear, make it as real and raw as possible. But also bear in mind that this is just a story in your head—other people may see situations differently and have different stories.

Wait for a response. It's important that whoever you're giving the feedback feels heard, and has a chance to clear up any stories you may have about them. Repeat back what they say to prove you've heard them. Then, end with a request:

So, a full example might be:

Positive feedback

It is just as important to give positive feedback as it is to give critical feedback. You will find that some people need more positive feedback than others, and some people love public praise, whereas others don't.

As with critical feedback, keep your praise specific. Otherwise you run the risk of being insincere, which people will see through.

For example:

"The research shows that people generally are more likely to act on specific positive feedback than on any other type of feedback. I liken feedback giving between two people to building a bank account. You're depositing specific positive feedback into the account so that you can make a withdrawal when you need to and still stay in the black. You never want to be in a relationship with someone where the negative feedback outweighs the positive. The research shows anywhere from 3 to 5 positives to every 1 negative is the optimal ratio to maintain healthy relationships and get people to act on your feedback."

— Abby Reider, LifeLabs learning

Receiving feedback: The 5 A's

The reason why you feel that knot in your stomach whenever you are about to receive feedback is that your ego views it as an attack, provoking a fight, flight, or freeze response. Your ego thinks you're about to be killed—it's no wonder you feel nervous!

The key is to learn to evaluate ideas objectively and view feedback as a gift. Now this is easier said than done, and will require constant effort and practice. At Straddle, we use the 5 A's framework for receiving feedback:

1. Ask for it

Proactively seek raw, accurate, and honest feedback from your team. Don't wait for it to come to you.

Best practices:

• Set the tone right for the first negative feedback. If your team is afraid to share the real deal with you, how you react the first time will set the tone for future feedback.

• Schedule your feedback moments. You can choose to do so in the last 5-10 minutes after every meeting or 1:1 session.

• Make it clear that all feedback shared will be celebrated and not punished.

• For those reluctant to speak up, try Lachy Groom's method: "Please don't say it, just think it. What is the thought you have that you are afraid to tell me because you think it will hurt my feelings? Again, please don't say it, just think about it. Do you have it in your brain chamber?" If they respond YES, then add "Ok, now please say it."

2. Acknowledge it

After listening, confirm you heard the message correctly by summarizing it out loud.

Frame this as: "From what I understood you said... Is that right?"

Keep asking "Is that all?" and repeating back until you're sure you've squeezed every last ounce of feedback out of them.

3. Appreciate it

Do not underestimate the power of saying Thank You.

Hold your excuses and give yourself permission to appreciate the feedback: "I hear what you are saying, thank you for sharing."

Giving feedback isn't easy, and by doing so, they've shown they care about you.

4. Accept it

But only if it makes sense to you. You don't have to accept all the feedback you're given, but at least give a good explanation why not (and be curious about how the opposite might be true).

5. Act on it

Use this space for co-creation. Together (with who is giving you feedback) make an action plan to address the situation and grow from there.

Critical steps:

• Set a due date and commit. Only when you act and close this chapter is the feedback loop done.

• Share with the rest of the organization the feedback and your commitment/actions. This will hold you accountable and show everyone they can trust you and your word.

Making it part of our culture

As a leader, it is your responsibility to set a good example and ensure that giving and receiving regular feedback is part of our culture. We do not leave it to an annual performance review. People should not be in the dark all year as to their performance. Furthermore, tying feedback to compensation is the best way to politicize it.

There is a simple way to achieve this: make it part of weekly one-on-ones (if you have direct reports) or regular check-ins with peers. Have a structured section at the end for mutual feedback giving. Make sure that it's a requirement of all leaders with teams, and ensure that it's recorded somewhere (we use Notion). To re-iterate, giving positive feedback is just as important as critical feedback.

Lastly, publicly seek feedback from your team and discuss it. It sets a good example and demonstrates you're willing to be vulnerable and committed to growing.

Feedback and power dynamics

While we strive to instill a culture of mutual feedback-giving at Straddle, it can be challenging to elicit critical feedback given upwards from a report to their manager. Although this is understandable, it's far from ideal. Feedback is critical for the growth of both parties.

As a leader, you need to ensure that your reports (if you have them), your managers, or your peers feel safe giving you feedback, and that it's worth their time. Trust builds over time. If people see you react positively to critical feedback by taking action, they're more likely to give you more in the future. And they're more likely to be candid.

It's important to close the loop on critical feedback you're given. If you decide to act on it, do so quickly and update the person at the next opportunity. If you don't decide to act on it, explain why. But whatever you do, don't treat feedback with silence.